“12 Strangest Toys Ever Made: Radioactive Kits, Killer Dolls & Banned Childhood Nightmares”

0:00 Speaker 1: Hello, dear listeners, and welcome back to the Strange History Podcast,

0:04 Speaker 1: the show where the past teaches us two things. One

0:08 Speaker 1: humans have always been weird. Two toy companies have definitely

0:13 Speaker 1: been unsupervised. Today we're exploring twelve true toys that should

0:17 Speaker 1: have never made it to market, yet somehow did, and

0:21 Speaker 1: in some cases became popular. These little plastic nightmares shape

0:25 Speaker 1: generations of children who are now adults wandering around saying, huh,

0:29 Speaker 1: maybe that's why I am the way I am. So

0:32 Speaker 1: grab your helmet, your emotional support coco, and maybe a

0:35 Speaker 1: moral compass. It's going to be a bumpy ride through

0:38 Speaker 1: the toy isle of history.

0:40 Speaker 2: Grandma Myrtles led Freeish Toy Emporium. Today's questionable content is

0:46 Speaker 2: brought to you by Grandma Myrtles led Freeish Toy Emporium.

0:50 Speaker 2: At Myrtles, every toy is certified probably safe. Their slogan

0:56 Speaker 2: less led than nineteen fifty two, more fun than the

0:59 Speaker 2: EPA would lie. Pick up their holiday special bundle, a

1:03 Speaker 2: wooden train set, a jump rope, and a coupon for

1:06 Speaker 2: one precautionary blood test.

1:08 Speaker 3: The Gilbert U two three eight Atomic Energy Lab nineteen fifty.

1:13 Speaker 1: The nineteen fifties, gave us poodle skirts, Elvis Presley, and

1:17 Speaker 1: because the world had absolutely no chill, a children's toy

1:21 Speaker 1: containing actual uranium more created by A. C. Gilbert, known

1:25 Speaker 1: as the Man who Saved Christmas. The Atomic Energy Lab

1:29 Speaker 1: came complete with a Geiger counter, cloud chamber, radioactive samples,

1:34 Speaker 1: and a manual that essentially said, please do not start

1:37 Speaker 1: your own reactor. Gilbert believed that America's children were the

1:42 Speaker 1: key to defeating communism through science, which is admirable, but

1:47 Speaker 1: maybe not when Timmy is standing in the kitchen waving

1:50 Speaker 1: a Geiger Counter like a tiny, slightly glowing wizard. Despite

1:54 Speaker 1: the hazards, the toy never sparked public fear. The forty

1:58 Speaker 1: nine dollars and fifty cents its price tag did. That's

2:02 Speaker 1: about six hundred dollars today. Parents apparently said radioactive, sure, expensive,

2:09 Speaker 1: Absolutely not, And just like that, the Uranium Lab joined

2:13 Speaker 1: the ranks of toys that could have caused god knows what.

2:17 Speaker 3: Lawn darts, also known as jarts backyard weapons of mass destruction.

2:23 Speaker 1: Lawn darts were marketed as the ultimate family game, which

2:27 Speaker 1: was bold considering each dart was a one pound metal

2:30 Speaker 1: javelin weighted with a lethal tip. The instructions said throw

2:35 Speaker 1: toward the circle. What children heard was throw at your sibling,

2:41 Speaker 1: and what parents heard was it's the nineteen seventies. Injuries

2:45 Speaker 1: build character. Over the years, lawn darts caused hundreds of

2:50 Speaker 1: injuries and several fatalities, leading to an outright ban in

2:54 Speaker 1: nineteen eighty eight, but not before they became a nostalgic

2:58 Speaker 1: symbol of a more unregulated America, an era where toys

3:02 Speaker 1: frequently doubled as weapons and no one wore shoes outside.

3:06 Speaker 1: Collectors now pay ridiculous amounts for vintage sets. These people

3:10 Speaker 1: know exactly how dangerous they are and still display them

3:13 Speaker 1: proudly like historical murder trophies.

3:16 Speaker 2: The Modern Safety Council. Today's safety warning is sponsored by

3:20 Speaker 2: the Modern Safety Council, reminding you that if your toy

3:23 Speaker 2: requires a helmet, a tetanus shot, and prayer, maybe don't

3:26 Speaker 2: gifted the Modern Safety Council. We can't stop the past,

3:32 Speaker 2: but we can definitely judge it.

3:34 Speaker 3: The Cabbage Patch snack Time Kid, the doll that ate hair.

3:39 Speaker 1: Released in nineteen ninety six. The snack Time Kid doll

3:43 Speaker 1: was designed to eat fake plastic snacks using motorized rollers

3:48 Speaker 1: in her mouth. The ads showed smiling children feeding her

3:51 Speaker 1: carrot sticks and then clapping with delight. What the ads

3:55 Speaker 1: did not show was the doll lunging at kid's hair

3:58 Speaker 1: like a battery powered per Parents quickly learned there was

4:02 Speaker 1: no off switch, meaning once the doll started chewing, she

4:06 Speaker 1: did not stop for God, country or your scalp. Stories

4:11 Speaker 1: poured in ponytails, devoured fingers halfway digested, and at least

4:16 Speaker 1: one child who screamed while her doll tried to eat

4:19 Speaker 1: her sweatshirt sleeve like a possessed laundry machine. Mattel issued

4:23 Speaker 1: a massive recall, and the Snack Time Kid has since

4:27 Speaker 1: become a legendary example of good idea on paper horrifying execution.

4:34 Speaker 3: Baby Laugh a Lot Satan in a Nightgown nineteen seventy one.

4:40 Speaker 1: Baby Laugh a Lot was marketed as the happiest doll

4:43 Speaker 1: ever created. The commercial was concerning. It featured a little

4:48 Speaker 1: girl rocking back and forth in near trance, while the

4:51 Speaker 1: doll emitted a cackle that could melt steal. It sounded

4:55 Speaker 1: less like laughter and more like a demon remembering tax

4:59 Speaker 1: evasion crime from a past life. Reports soon trickled in

5:04 Speaker 1: that the doll would randomly activate at night, giggling to

5:07 Speaker 1: itself in dark bedrooms. Batteries corroded, wiring failed, and the

5:12 Speaker 1: doll's laughter slowed into a deep, glitching death rattle that

5:16 Speaker 1: convinced entire families to leave the house. Baby Laugh a

5:20 Speaker 1: Lot is now remembered as the doll that launched a

5:23 Speaker 1: thousand childhood nightmares and at least a few lake burials.

5:27 Speaker 2: Doctor Pemberton's Victorian parenting tonic. Are your kids misbehaving? Try

5:33 Speaker 2: Doctor Pemberton's All Purpose parenting Tonic, the only cure for tantrums, nightmares,

5:38 Speaker 2: and haunted dolls. Now with three percent more Coca leaves

5:42 Speaker 2: than the FDA permits, You'll be calm, Your kids will

5:46 Speaker 2: be calm, The walls will breathe. Doctor Pemberton's for when

5:50 Speaker 2: parenting requires an altered mindset.

5:54 Speaker 3: Puberty Skipper, the doll that hit Fast Forward.

5:58 Speaker 1: Puberty Skipper really East in nineteen sixty five, was designed

6:02 Speaker 1: to show the miracle of growing up. Instead, she showed

6:06 Speaker 1: the miracle of horrifying body horror. When you lifted her arms,

6:11 Speaker 1: her torso elongated and her bust expanded like she was

6:14 Speaker 1: experiencing puberty at warp speed. Kids found this confusing, parents

6:19 Speaker 1: found it alarming, and Mattel seemed thrilled that Skipper could

6:23 Speaker 1: now go through instant hormonal chaos for educational purposes. The

6:28 Speaker 1: doll didn't stay on shelves long, mostly because no one

6:31 Speaker 1: could decide if she was fascinating or something out of

6:34 Speaker 1: a Cronenberg film festival collecting puberty. Skipper today is considered

6:39 Speaker 1: high art, specifically the kind of art that makes museum

6:43 Speaker 1: docents say, don't touch that it might transform.

6:47 Speaker 3: Ferbies the CIA's Fluffy Fears nineteen ninety eight.

6:53 Speaker 1: Ferbies were fuzzy, blinky, slightly sinister toys that learned English

6:57 Speaker 1: over time, or, as anyone who owned one knows, learned

7:01 Speaker 1: to stare into your soul at three am. They were

7:04 Speaker 1: cute until they developed sentience, or at least acted like

7:08 Speaker 1: they had. The wildest part, the NSA actually banned Ferbies

7:14 Speaker 1: from their headquarters, fearing they were capable of recording classified information.

7:19 Speaker 1: They were not, but nothing says nineteen ninety security panic

7:24 Speaker 1: like imagining a ferbe leaking national secrets. To this day,

7:29 Speaker 1: Ferbi's remained the only toy suspected of espionage without even trying.

7:34 Speaker 3: Barbie and Tanner the Dog the magnetic poop fiasco.

7:40 Speaker 1: Barbie's dog, Tanner was adorable, Tanner's poop was magnetic. Barbie's pooper, Scooper,

7:46 Speaker 1: was also magnetic? What could possibly go wrong? Aside from everything?

7:51 Speaker 1: Children swallowed the pellets, and when multiple magnets met inside

7:56 Speaker 1: the human body, things went sideways fast. Emergency surgeries followed.

8:02 Speaker 1: Parents shrieked, pediatricians wiped sweat from their brows and muttered

8:06 Speaker 1: why matell Why? Tanner was recalled and Barbie has never

8:12 Speaker 1: again been allowed near industrial strength magnets.

8:15 Speaker 3: Aquedots the toy that accidentally produced GHB.

8:21 Speaker 1: Okay people, This next one blew my mind, so buckle up.

8:24 Speaker 1: Aquedots looked innocent, colorful beads that fused with water, but

8:29 Speaker 1: somewhere in the manufacturing process a chemical coating was swapped

8:33 Speaker 1: with one that metabolized into gamma hydroxy butyrate GHB when ingested.

8:39 Speaker 1: What is GHB?

8:40 Speaker 3: You ask?

8:42 Speaker 1: It is a controlled substance in the US and is

8:44 Speaker 1: notorious as a club drug and a date rape drug.

8:48 Speaker 1: Several children swallowed the beads, slipped into seizures or comas,

8:53 Speaker 1: and sent parents into apocalyptic levels of panic. The global

8:56 Speaker 1: recall was swift, and the toy became a case study

8:59 Speaker 1: in and the importance of reading chemical supply orders very carefully. Today,

9:05 Speaker 1: aquedots are a grim reminder that children's crafts should never

9:09 Speaker 1: double as controlled substances. Unbelievable, Dear listener, There are occasions

9:15 Speaker 1: while I research for this podcast that makes me thankful

9:18 Speaker 1: I lived through my childhood.

9:20 Speaker 2: Seriously Spreaker's official safety approved podcast network. This segment is

9:26 Speaker 2: sponsored by Spreaker, the only platform where nothing will explode,

9:30 Speaker 2: leak chemicals, or attempt to eat your hair. Spreaker safer

9:34 Speaker 2: than every toy on this list, guaranteed.

9:38 Speaker 3: The Face Bank the hungry cube of mild terror.

9:42 Speaker 1: The Face Bank is a Japanese coinbank with a soft

9:45 Speaker 1: rubber face that mechanically eats money. Its googly eyes follow

9:50 Speaker 1: your hand, Its mouth stretches wide, It chews deliberately, and

9:55 Speaker 1: it looks like the irs became sentient. Kids adore it,

10:00 Speaker 1: adults are unsettled. Pet dogs bark at it like it's encryptid,

10:04 Speaker 1: and when the batteries die mid chew, the face freezes

10:07 Speaker 1: in a disturbing mid gobble expression that says feed me

10:11 Speaker 1: again or suffer. The face Bank proves that sometimes the

10:15 Speaker 1: cutest things are also the most psychologically damaging.

10:21 Speaker 3: Belt buckle derringer the hip firing hazard.

10:25 Speaker 1: In the nineteen fifties, some toy executive confidently declared children

10:30 Speaker 1: need a gun in the belt region. Thus the belt

10:34 Speaker 1: buckle derringer was born, a toy gun mounted inside a

10:38 Speaker 1: Western style buckle that fired bullets when the wearer thrust

10:41 Speaker 1: their hips forward. Cowboys of the Old West drew weapons

10:45 Speaker 1: from holsters. Children of the nineteen fifties hip thrusted projectiles

10:49 Speaker 1: toward their friends at recess. This was considered normal. Schools

10:54 Speaker 1: across America banned the toy almost immediately after discovering boys

10:57 Speaker 1: were weaponizing their pelvises. Today, the belt buckle derringer is

11:02 Speaker 1: both a bizarre collectible and a cautionary tale in design oversight.

11:07 Speaker 3: Earring magic Ken a cultural icon by accident nineteen ninety three.

11:14 Speaker 1: Earring magic Ken featured a shiny circular earring, mesh lavender shirt,

11:19 Speaker 1: pleathor vest, and a choker that looked how shall we

11:23 Speaker 1: put this symbolically familiar to anyone familiar with nineties clubwar,

11:28 Speaker 1: Mattel unintentionally created an icon of gay culture and instantly

11:32 Speaker 1: sold out of the doll. Parents were confused, kids didn't care.

11:37 Speaker 1: Adults recognized the look immediately and embraced it. Mattel, realizing

11:42 Speaker 1: the accidental wink wink, nudge nudge nature of the design,

11:46 Speaker 1: discontinued him almost immediately. Of course, this only made him

11:50 Speaker 1: more desirable. Today, he's the best selling Ken doll of

11:53 Speaker 1: all time and a legend in toy history.

11:57 Speaker 3: C SI Fingerprint Kit dias Best's play set.

12:01 Speaker 1: This CSI branded toy kit was meant to let kids

12:05 Speaker 1: dust for fingerprints like miniature forensic scientists. Unfortunately, the fingerprinting

12:10 Speaker 1: powder contained tremolite asbestos, which is not something you want

12:14 Speaker 1: in children's lungs, or anyone's lungs or anywhere Ever. Parents

12:20 Speaker 1: bought the toy thinking it would inspire curiosity and crime

12:23 Speaker 1: solving skills. They did not expect to learn that their

12:26 Speaker 1: children had been merrily dusting asbestos all over the house

12:30 Speaker 1: like tiny demolition crews. Legal battles followed, recalls happened overnight.

12:35 Speaker 1: CSI crime scene Investigation more like CSI contaminated suburban interiors.

12:43 Speaker 2: This episode is also sponsored by the nineteen eighties toy

12:47 Speaker 2: Recall Mystery Box. Yes, for just nineteen dollars and ninety

12:51 Speaker 2: nine cents, you'll receive a monthly subscription box filled with

12:54 Speaker 2: one randomly selected toy that was banned, recalled, outlawed, or

13:00 Speaker 2: quietly swept under a government rug. Each box includes one

13:04 Speaker 2: questionable vintage toy, a laminated do not Sue Us card,

13:08 Speaker 2: a pair of gloves, and a tiny Geiger counter just

13:11 Speaker 2: in case. Possible items include a slightly radioactive chemistry set,

13:17 Speaker 2: a cabbage patch doll missing its conscience, a lawn dart

13:21 Speaker 2: with most of the tip filed down, a furbie that

13:25 Speaker 2: speaks only when the lights are off. Order now and

13:29 Speaker 2: get their limited addition bonus gift, the Aqua Dot's Breath

13:33 Speaker 2: Mint Challenge. I am legally required to say, do not

13:37 Speaker 2: eat these, do not put them near your mouth, do

13:40 Speaker 2: not look at them directly. The nineteen eighties toy Recall

13:44 Speaker 2: Mystery Box Relive your childhood, preferably not in the hospital.

13:50 Speaker 1: And so ends our tour through the most unhinged playthings

13:53 Speaker 1: ever sold to unsuspecting families. If you owned any of

13:57 Speaker 1: these toys, congratulations survived both childhood and terrible corporate decision making.

14:03 Speaker 1: Join us next time, as we dive into more historical oddities,

14:07 Speaker 1: forgotten inventions, and stories that make you whisper did humans

14:13 Speaker 1: really do that? Spoiler? Yes every time. Until then, stay safe,

14:20 Speaker 1: stay curious, and stay strange. And for the love of

14:23 Speaker 1: all things holy, please stop giving uranium to kids. PS.

14:28 Speaker 1: All ads are fake. Do not email me trying to

14:30 Speaker 1: order any of these items except Spreaker. That's real.